Is Sex Education Grooming Children?
- wholisticsexed
- Jun 3, 2024
- 5 min read
Our worst fear as parents is that someone will intentionally harm our kids, and a lot of us know how common it actually is. So, when it comes to sex education a question that comes up for some is whether or not this education is actually sexually grooming young kids. At the heart of this is our deep need to protect our most vulnerable, and a misunderstanding of what sex education is! So, let's start with what comprehensive sex education is!
The WHO simply defines comprehensive sex ed as:
education gives young people accurate, age-appropriate information about sexuality and their sexual and reproductive health, which is critical for their health and survival.
But let's dive into this a little deeper- what does this education actually consist of, how is it taught, and when? As WHO goes on to explain, sex ed should honestly start as soon as children are enrolled in school around 5 years old but the information that is taught at that age is much different than what might be taught at puberty. And this is usually where parents get really nervous but keep reading! It is absolutely understood that it is not age-appropriate to teach 5 years olds the intricacies of penetrative sex and that is not at all the goal. When sex ed starts young it starts with naming our anatomy and introducing consent which is used in all everyday interactions. Think about it, if you ask your friend for a hug, YOU are utilizing verbal consent! Consent doesn't start and end with sexual interactions, but instead it's at the base of how we connect with all of the people around us. This is absolutely vital to teach young kids (who as we know are still in the pits of learning about self-control!) because we want to support their natural and healthy development of friendships and connection and begin to understand that they too can say no thank you to a hug, kiss or playing with someone they'd rather not. This translates into kids that eventually will respect one another's "no" and feel comfortable saying no as well. While it isn't our children's job to keep themselves safe, this can be the first step in helping them understand that if a strange adult asks them to leave the park without mom and dad, and the child says no, and the adult doesn't listen, that something is very wrong- because a "no" should be respected.
So why is it important for kids to learn the names of their anatomy? Same idea! To keep them safe and empower them. It has been a common practice by abusers to use "cute" fake names for a child's genitals so that if the child tells their parent that someone has been touching their "cookie" the parent has no idea what the child is talking about. This just makes abuse easier. When we teach a child the real names for all of their body parts, they then have the language to report abuse, or even just discomfort or an injury. This also works to limit shame and stigma around their genitals because if we can't say the word "vulva" what message are we sending? This early education usually includes helping kids identify safe adults in their life that they can go to if anything bad were to happen to them. So, we're actively urging children to be honest and find adults in their life that believe them and treat them kindly.
That is just the beginning! Comprehensive sex education can also include educating about healthy friendships and relationships, the warning signs of abuse, understanding puberty, personal hygiene, emotional wellbeing, sexuality, how to set boundaries, contraceptives, how to decide when you are ready to have sex, how to get tested for STD's and much, much more. This education actively works towards helping kids grown their sense of personhood in a way that feels good and unique to them, set boundaries and keep an eye out for abuse. So, back to grooming...
Oxford Definition:
Groom- to form a relationship with (a child or young person) with the intention of sexually assaulting them or inducing them to commit an illegal act such as selling drugs or joining a terrorist organization
From everything we've hear so far, I think it's pretty obvious that sex educators aren't grooming children so we can assault them... So, what are some other concerns parents have? Some are worried that their kids are being groomed to become sexual or 'less innocent' earlier and earlier. What exactly does is mean to be innocent? When I think of the innocence of a child I think of their lack of understanding for social norms or expectations and their ability to see the world with a lot more compassion than adults tend to. But according to RAINN 1 in 9 girls and 1 in 20 boys are sexually assaulted as children, and this number may be even higher because we know not all assaults end up reported. [1] That's a lot of children. 34% of them are younger than 12. [1] Sexual assault, in my mind, is far more destructive to a child's innocence than teaching them that it's always okay to say no and that safe adults won't ask to see or touch their genitals unless they are a parent or doctor and ONLY to make sure they are healthy. We also have to consider that 93% of perpetrators are either family members or people the family knows and trusts. [1] As much as we think we will notice all of the warning signs before anything bad happens, we don't always and that can be even trickier when the person in question is someone we know and love.[3] Want to learn more about how you can keep your child safe and what the warning signs of abuse as? Check out this blog post by RAINN.
That was a pretty heavy topic so please take a big deep breath or shake off some of those feelings.
The last thing we'll talk about is whether or not sex ed groom's kids to engage in sexual activity sooner in life. This study published in 2021 showed that not only did teens who received comprehensive sex ed wait longer to have sex, but they were also much more likely to use contraceptives. As well as this 3-decade long literature review that showed that students were more media literate, saw improved intimate and partner violence prevention as well as childhood sexual abuse prevention, and more. All of this seems that sex ed, especially when it's started early and taught regularly, is actually helping our kids become healthier and happier humans... What more could we ask for? When we take the mystery and hush-hush-ness out of sex and sexuality we find that kids feel a lot better about waiting for whenever they truly feel ready!
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