How do you know if you are ready to have sex?

Such a great question! And there can be a lot of things to consider but let's start with the basics:

• What are your ideals around sex?

This could include things like wanting to wait until you have a partner that you really love, wanting to have your own space/apartment/house, waiting until you are with someone that makes you feel safe and cared about, or wanting to wait until marriage. You get to decide these ideals for yourself- they don't have to suit anyone else or make sense to anyone else besides you!

• Are you in a safe and caring relationship?

A 'relationship' doesn't need to mean a committed monogamous relationship either; relationships come in all shapes and sizes. But it is pretty important that they make you feel safe, listen when you say 'no' and seem to have your best interest in mind. Sometimes people SAY they love us or care about us, but their actions don't show us that. It's really easy to say something that you don't mean, but it can be much harder to pretend through actions. Listen to their actions. If they don't listen when you say 'no', or that you are uncomfortable, or want to stop, they probably won't start listening when you have sex with them. And having sex with them won't change how they feel about you. Sex DOES incite some big feelings, but they tend to be more temporary. You should never feel pressured to have sex or like they won't still like or love you if you don't want to have sex with them. Love should always include autonomy.

• What birth control and STD protection do you have access to?

Condoms are the only option that protect against BOTH STD's and pregnancy! The pill, an IUD or other birth control options only prevent pregnancy, and no option is 100% effective. And remember, the most common symptom of any STD is no symptoms at all. That means that you can't necessarily look at someone and know whether or not someone has an STD. It also isn't okay to shame anyone who does have an STD. Most people will contract an STD in their lifetime and luckily there are medications that can heal most of them! The best thing that you can do is get tested for STD's before you even have sex and ask your partner to do the same. If either of you has an STD you can get the right medications for it and have sex when you test negative. Then I would recommend using a condom as it protects against pregnancy and STDs, and get tested regularly after that. Talk more with your doctor to figure out what birth control method might be best for you, as well as when you should get tested again!

• What is it that's driving you to want to have sex?

If you want to have sex because it'll piss off your parents, impress your friends or you think it'll keep your boyfriend or girlfriend around... Maybe it's not a great idea to yet. While there is no right reason to want to have sex, some reasons are more likely to lead to regret, shame or feeling guilty. I speak from experience when I say that it sucks to feel that way after having sex.

There's plenty of other things that we could talk about or consider but let's start with those and go from there.

And remember:

• you can always say no, stop, pause, or change your mind

• sex is supposed to feel good for everyone involved. If something doesn't feel good, speak up and tell them what they can do instead

• consent is everyone's responsibility: it doesn't matter if you are the girl, guy, trans, or non-binary, you should be asking for consent and checking in with them during sex

• it's okay if your partner says no, stop, or changes their mind. Thank them for being honest with you

• you get to decide where, when, and how you have sex- no one should be deciding that for you

Lastly, because assault happens all too often; this is a 24/7 hotline for anyone who has, or thinks they have, experience sexual assault, rape or incest violence

1-(800) 656-4673

https://www.rainn.org/

And here's their website link. They also have a free live chat and resources in Spanish.